What is Parentification Trauma? How it Happens & How to Heal
Parentification trauma is the impact of continued, ongoing relational and external stressors by not having access to developmentally appropriate experiences in childhood (safety, nurture, protection, free play, guidance) and feeling pressure and necessity to assume an adult role during childhood. When adults in a family have high external stress and unmet internal needs, they are less able to look to their children as their children. This means that the skills and space to offer guidance, protection, and nurture are not as present.
When you needed something, what happened? Chances are, someone was too busy or got annoyed with you for asking. If you did not show up as the parent for the adults around you, chaos ensued. Now, the repeated exhaustion, terror/panic over making a mistake, people pleasing, hyper-independence, and difficulty with feeling taken care of is telling you something. The impact of parentification trauma is hitting you, mind and body.
Why Seek Online Therapy in CT for Childhood Trauma?
Your past is murky. Some things are unclear and confusing, and some things sting you with shame and discomfort. Your relationship with your parents is frantic: somehow, you have always been the “fixer,” the “responsible one” and whenever you have softened and shown your vulnerable, angry, hurt, or upset sides, you have experienced backlash and panic. The ways that you have hidden yourself worked so well. I mean, hardly anyone has noticed the REAL you. But now it’s starting to eat away at you, make it hard to function, cause you fear. It’s time for you to honestly care for yourself and heal. Why not explore online therapy in Connecticut?
How Do You Reparent Yourself as a Mom? Strategies to Begin
Your gut reaction is to focus on everything and everyone, especially when it comes to your kids. If you learned anything from your own childhood, it was that the moment the attention shifted onto you, you were “bad.” This message, coupled with the high expectations of Moms, leaves you in a whirlwind of traps.
But when you only focus on others, you lose the opportunity for you to care about you—to give yourself the replenishment, care and energy you need to be present for others in a way that feels safe. What would it be like to give and receive help and to love authentically rather than out of obligation?
How Does Parentification turn into Hyper-independence?
You were responsible, independent growing up: the “good” kid. But for some reason, that external version of you? It doesn’t match the internal version of you. Inside, you’re scared, anxious, terrified of the next bad thing happening. You desperately want to be connected to others, to get and receive help, but you never find yourself able to do it. Instead, the wrong people come your way, or they don’t “get you,” or that shaming voice in your head just ruins everything good.
What’s going on here?
Growing Up With Gaslighting Affects You. Here’s How to Spot It
When gaslighting occurs repeatedly in childhood, it disrupts your ability to connect to yourself and develop self-trust. Why does this matter? When your self-trust is distorted, your understanding of what trust looks like in important relationships become confusing and can lead to repetition of these harmful patterns in later relationships. It can also make it difficult to feel confident and secure.
Let’s dig into a few signs of what pervasive gaslighting looks like—both signs within childhood and signals you notice in adulthood.
Do I Wish My Narcissistic Mom a Happy Mother’s Day?
Mother’s Day is supposed to be fun, but it fills you with dread
As the day looms closer, you aren’t sitting there thinking about the wonderful conversation you and your mom will have or the lovely day you’ll have together. Instead, your anxiety is growing bigger and bigger as you wonder what should you do?
You are afraid of taking a misstep, of doing the wrong thing. You are constantly walking on eggshells around her. How do you handle this holiday when the two of you have so much baggage together?