How Do You Reparent Yourself as a Mom? Strategies to Begin

A Trauma Therapist’s Strategies and Tips on Finding Your Internal Mother…As a Mother

Reparenting Yourself as a Mom—Why Prioritize Me?

Your gut reaction is to focus on everything and everyone else first, especially when it comes to your kids. If you learned anything from your own childhood, it was that the moment the attention shifted onto you, you were “bad.” This message, coupled with the high expectations of Moms, leaves you in a whirlwind of traps.

But when you only focus on others, you lose the opportunity for you to care about you—to give yourself the replenishment, care and energy you need to be present for others in a way that feels safe. What would it be like to give and receive help and to love authentically rather than out of obligation?

Becoming a Mom Brought up a Surge of Wounds

It didn’t necessarily happen all at once, but slowly as your relationship with your own kids grew, you noticed some internal shifts.

You are disconnected. You are impatient. You are frustrated. You want to scream. Some days, it feels like you want to throw your own tantrum. When you look backward, you realize it’s the younger you who is screaming. Screaming because now you are giving and giving, but you don’t really know how. You don’t really know how because that little one inside of you? She feels hurt that she wasn’t seen for all those years. And you never expected her to flood your system and interrupt your parenting so strongly.

Reparenting Yourself as a Mom Includes Grieving

No one told you that it would be hard to give what you did not have. Some days you are confused about how to do this “motherhood” thing. You are afraid to make your kids angry or cry; when you felt that way as a child, you were devastated. You feel confused about how to do the simple things: play with them, do their hair, make their lunches. And the heartbreaking part? There is no one to ask, to turn to for advice, guidance, and safety. Those waves that come and go? It’s your grief, making itself known to you. Reparenting includes holding space for the rage, anger, sadness, and also for the grief at the mother figure who was not present for you.

Channel Your Inner Child…With Your Kids Too

Reparenting as a mother includes honoring your joy and capability, and where can you begin to find joy? In play!

Were there activities you wanted to do as a kid, but couldn’t? Did you wish you could be goofy and silly, run around, make a mess sometimes? Explore those chances now! Ask yourself, what does the younger you need today? Does that little part of you need to move, be still, smell something nice, try something new, rest, be cozy? Where can you find a few minutes each day to notice what your inner child needs and to tend to it?

When your kids feel like being silly, lean into it, and make goofy faces and sounds with them. Play hide and seek, tickle games, build forts, or have cozy snack and movie nights together. Let your inner child join them in seeing what adventures you can discover together.

Find Your Internal Mother’s Voice and Practice Giving Yourself Nurture

While you hold space for the grief, anger, and sadness, recognize your strengths. You are doing this. You are choosing to show up as a present parent each and every day. Brainstorm the capabilities, skills, and gifts that have brought you to this space. As you name these for yourself, begin to craft the language and voice for your own internal mother: the voice within you that can offer nurture and guidance and encouragement when needed:

1. Who is a nurturing figure (real or fictional) that really resonates with you?

2. What do you imagine a nurturing individual would do or say?

3. What are words of guidance and encouragement that this nurturing figure can offer to you during stressful times?

4. Create reminders of these words of encouragement, care, and guidance that you can turn to regularly.

Outside of these practices, remember that it is always okay to continue healing and reparenting by seeking therapy with a trained and licensed therapist.

Start to Reparent Yourself with Online Therapy at Nurturing Willow Psychotherapy

1. Click the button below to schedule your free 15-minute consultation phone call

2. Fill out the pre-consult form

3. Consult with Alice Zic, your new therapist

4. Begin your therapeutic journey toward reparenting yourself

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Reparenting yourself and healing your past does not have to be so intimidating. Make it easy and accessible with online therapy. My virtual practice is located in Colchester, CT and I offer online therapy in Connecticut, throughout Connecticut. All you need is a private space and your device. Easy! Learn more about getting started below:

Reparent Yourself with Online Therapy in Falls Church, Virginia

It’s hard to find a therapist who can hold space for your past and walk with you as you heal your present and future. Why not make it simpler for yourself by working with a therapist who gets reparenting with online therapy in Virginia? I offer online therapy throughout Virginia—all you need is a private space and your device for us to meet. Much simpler! Learn more about getting started below:

Additional Online Therapy Services Offered at Nurturing Willow Psychotherapy, LLC