Therapist in Colchester, CT on Reparenting as a Parent
You always envisioned a better life. That’s what parents are supposed to do…right? You wanted to offer something better to your own children than what you had. But when the time came, suddenly, all of these surprisingly intense feelings burst forth. You were grieving, sad, and angry.
It’s been hard to be as patient with them as you wanted. To be the romanticized image of the parent you had hoped for. You don’t even want to admit it. It’s too shameful. Underneath your adult, perfectionistic mask is an inner child whose needs were not met. You were supposed to have it figured out.
Parenting is hard work—beautiful—and hard work. And now you are awakening to reparenting yourself as well.
What are the challenges you are noticing and how can you navigate both your internal child and the little ones before you?
From Bad Daughter to Cycle Breaker
You’re the bad daughter. That’s what they tell you anyway—your family, your community. You can hear it in their judgment and see it on their disappointed faces. You know that’s what they discuss in their whispers and behind your back. If you are not showing up exactly the way they want you to and exactly as the version they expect, you are cast aside. The black sheep. The outsider.
Sound familiar?
What Exactly is People-Pleasing? Let’s Get Into it.
People pleasing is a threat/survival response called the fawn response. Just like fight, flight, and freeze, fawn helps you to survive when you feel threatened. You usually use this response to placate a threat, make the threat feel calm and happy, to diminish the threat and to preserve yourself.
The Impact of Emotional Stonewalling in Childhood
This is when one person ignores another person. What happens when a child is on the receiving end of stonewalling? When this is used by a parent or a caregiver, the parent ignores their child as a form of punishment or for consequences. This dynamic can unfold for many reasons. The parent may not have the capacity to move through emotions that feel intense. At the same time, the impact on the child is…