The Impact of Emotional Stonewalling in Childhood
A Trauma Therapist in Colchester, CT on Emotional Stonewalling in Childhood
What is Emotional Stonewalling?
Emotional Stonewalling is also known as the silent treatment.
Simply put, emotional stonewalling occurs when one person ignores another person, usually as the result of conflict.
What Happens When a Child is on the Receiving End of Emotional Stonewalling?
When this is used by a parent or a caregiver, the parent ignores their child as a form of punishment or for consequences. This dynamic can unfold for many reasons. The parent may not have the capacity to move through emotions that feel intense. At the same time, the impact on the child is:
There is a limit to your love for me
I as the child have to soothe you, the parent
The child in this dynamic feels SO much anxiety and tension. Rather than the parent or caregiver remaining a source of comfort, the child assumes the role of an emotional caregiver. The child anxiously takes on the belief “I have to fix our problem so that you won’t abandon me and so that you will love me again.” The child feels compelled to fix or rescue the parent/caregiver.
How Does Emotional Stonewalling Impact Relationships?
As the child develops and grows into adulthood, this impact in relationship can repeat itself, leading to a couple of significant takeaways:
Repair in relationships does not happen. When there is a conflict, it’s over
When a conflict happens, it is 100% completely up to me to fix and it is because I did something wrong, not because we had a miscommunication that we can work through
It can leave you feeling confused, helpless, and as though if you do not fix or rescue, you have failed or made a mistake that you can’t get past.
Exploring the roots of these moments in relationship can offer you compassion, the space to heal, and show up differently in relationships.
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Therapy to Heal from Emotional Stonewalling and Relationship Wounds
You notice your wounds from childhood impacting you in the present day and you are ready to begin healing. My virtual practice is located in Colchester, CT and I offer online therapy in Connecticut. Why navigate the stressful traffic and weather when you can attend therapy from the safety and comfort of your home?
Alice Zic is a licensed trauma therapist in Connecticut and Virginia. Alice provides online therapy for those residing in Connecticut and Virginia for childhood trauma, parentification trauma, and teen anxiety. Alice uses an Internal Family Systems (IFS) approach to partner with clients to tackle deep, healing work to build their identities and find their authentic, true selves. Schedule a consultation phone call to work with Alice here.