What is Childhood Trauma? Understanding the Signs and Impact
A Deep Dive into Childhood Trauma from a Trauma Therapist in Colchester, CT and Falls Church, VA
Childhood Trauma is Not a Single Event. It Occurs Over Time.
Childhood trauma usually can’t be isolated to one specific event. Instead, it’s a mishmash of multiple confusing, insidious, and murky overwhelming moments. That’s because the experiences that fall under the category of childhood trauma are both relational (happening between people) and systemic (created by external, oppressive forces).
What is Considered Childhood Trauma?
Relational childhood trauma experiences can be those including physical and emotional abuse and neglect, such as:
Not having your needs seen, valued, or met
Being terrified or afraid of people/adults who are supposed to show you love and care
Not knowing when or whether your basic needs will be met
Being continually and unexpectedly shamed or made to feel “crazy” by adults around you
Feeling unsafe, unprotected, and surrounded by unpredictability
Not having your boundaries honored and respected
Taking care of adults and/or children around you rather than being taken care of
When these elements of childhood trauma collide, it creates multiple factors that can lead to emotional turmoil.
But before we dig in further, what is trauma? Trauma is anything that overwhelms your body and nervous system beyond the point to which you are able to manage. The end.
It’s not defined according to what someone else says “is enough.” Trauma is defined by the impact on you, according to what was overwhelming for you at a certain space, time, situation, and age.
You Were Often Blamed, Told Your Were “Too Sensitive,” or Had to Placate Others
Oftentimes there is an inherent power dynamic and role associated with having experienced childhood trauma. You were likely made to feel wrong and bad often. No matter what you did or how you navigated around others, it felt like the goal posts kept moving, and every move still landed you in the blameworthy spot.
The adults around you likely used a lot of power and control. Maybe they even had an “emotional temperature,” where if they walked into the room, suddenly the mood changed…something shifted. You couldn’t laugh or be silly. You had to be on guard because you never knew which version they were going to be…and how they were going to react towards you.
How Does Childhood Trauma Impact You in Adult Life?
Your Childhood Trauma Probably Shows up in Your Relationships.
The experiences of childhood trauma impact behavior so much—you had to learn to relate to others who were frightening and unpredictable. Because of that, you learned to function and react and respond in survival mode. That way of relating can carry over into other relationships or other moments when interacting with others.
For example, you may fear someone will be angry at you when they seem “neutral” or not overly ecstatic, so you work hard to people-please them to make sure they are happy. You fear saying no to someone because you worry that they will get furious at you and take it out on you. You may be afraid of sharing your most vulnerable emotions or your “true self” because it’s overwhelming and you worry about what someone else will do with that information. You get resentful of taking care of someone else because you may feel like you’re not feeling seen or getting the credit you deserve.
What is a Surprising Impact of Childhood Trauma?
You Did Not Realize it Was Childhood Trauma. It Took Time to See It.
It can be very scary to admit that you experienced childhood trauma, especially when your parents/caregivers were responsible. In childhood, you needed to stay in relationship with them: they created fear and confusion, but you also depended on them for survival and for the hope that they would be the loving people that you needed (or perhaps they were even sometimes capable of being).
It makes sense and is absolutely okay to hold care, anger, fear, love, and resentment all at the same time. And realizing that you experienced childhood trauma does not negate or invalidate other wonderful experiences or capabilities you have had.
Start Online Therapy in CT for Childhood Trauma at Nurturing Willow Psychotherapy:
Alice Zic, MPH, LCSW | Trauma Therapist & Owner of Nurturing Willow Psychotherapy, LLC
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Childhood Trauma Therapy in Colchester, Connecticut
Online Therapy in Connecticut
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Childhood Trauma Therapy in Falls Church, Virginia
Online Therapy in Virginia
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