I Worry Everyone is Mad at Me and Tips to Calm the Fear
It happens all the time. The moment another person’s face shifts, they become silent, they turn away, you can’t help it. You get that unpleasant feeling. You’re so nervous. What if? What if they are angry? What if you did something wrong? What if you finally became too much for them? And if you don’t address it right here, right now? Well that’s just not an option. You have got to make sure it’s all okay or your discomfort skyrockets.
So when that feeling, that pressure, that people pleasing anxiety comes on, what do you do? How can you tend to yourself?
What Makes People-Pleasing a Sign of Parentification?
Parentification is a role reversal in which the child accelerates into adulthood and becomes the parent, assuming adult responsibilities and parenting their parents/caretakers.
Maybe you think, “So what?”
On the one hand, you may say, well everyone has to contribute in the household and your parents/caregivers were struggling.
On the other hand, your childhood was…sacrificed. During your youngest years of play, delight, when all you asked for was someone to focus unconditionally on you…you spent that time turning everything around, focusing on everyone else. Operating out of stress. Out of obligation.
So what are some signals that you were parentified?
What Exactly is People-Pleasing? Let’s Get Into it.
People pleasing is a threat/survival response called the fawn response. Just like fight, flight, and freeze, fawn helps you to survive when you feel threatened. You usually use this response to placate a threat, make the threat feel calm and happy, to diminish the threat and to preserve yourself.