Yes, the Imposter Syndrome You Experience is That Deep.
Understanding the Meaning, Root Causes, and How to Overcome Imposter Syndrome with a Trauma Therapist in Connecticut and Virginia
What is Imposter Syndrome?
Imposter syndrome is defined by a strong doubt and a lack of belief in who you are and your abilities. But it’s more than that. It also shows up as the idea that when you are yourself, demonstrate your genuine traits, or take up space, that others will cast you out as a liar. Basically, imposter syndrome says, “everyone is waiting to prove that you are a fraud.” You keep waiting for the moment that everyone will figure out that are not the person you claim to be.
How do you Identify Imposter Syndrome in Yourself?
Imposter syndrome typically shows up in how you feel towards and around others: you start to feel like you are always putting on a show. You tell yourself that you have to look a certain way so that no one figures out you are really something or someone else. You continually remind yourself that you put on this show so that people do not figure out you are not really as perfect or as on top of things as you seem to be.
The more people compliment you, the more the pressure and the fear builds. Underneath that messaging, you feel a lack of confidence and low self-esteem. You tell yourself a lot of negative, critical messages that feel judgmental or shaming.
Here are some common signs of imposter syndrome to help you identify it in yourself:
Feelings of doubt
Feelings of anxiety or panic, especially when doing well or when concerned others will “find out” you are not doing as well as you hoped
Perfectionism and fear of making mistakes
Pressure to perform well
Low confidence
Low self-esteem
Critical inner voice
Fear of asking for help
Belief that you are incapable, or not as capable as you seem
What are the Root Causes of Imposter Syndrome?
Imposter syndrome is often linked to the work environment, where the pressure is on and the expectations are high. There is no shocking coincidence that environments that expect constant high performances while also creating little room for support cultivate feelings of anxiety, burnout, and doubt. But what about the version of you that existed before the working world?
Let’s dig a little deeper and go a little further back.
Your Childhood Experiences Impact Imposter Syndrome
Feelings of doubt usually start young. And the idea that you are a fraud? That is a young wound too.
Imposter syndrome has its roots in a fear of being yourself, asking for help and, ultimately, in getting support.
Think back to your younger experiences. What happened when you:
Made a mistake around your parents/caregivers?
Made a mistake or acted like yourself in school and in the general community?
Messed up? Was there a general feeling that everything would be okay, or was there pressure and fear that you would bring shame to your family and community?
Needed help? Was it given to you, or were there consequences?
When we are young and we simultaneously get little support while also experiencing high expectations to be productive and perfect for the others around us, we actually lose connection to ourselves and our ability to trust ourselves.
Why is that a problem? Well, when we are only focusing on being what everyone else needs us to be, we enter survival mode and we lose an understanding of what feels safe and acceptable to our internal selves. That is when doubt sets in. And imposter syndrome, too.
Imposter Syndrome is Actually the Result of Growing up with Gaslighting and Self-Abandonment
Why is that?
Imposter syndrome often stems from early and repeated experiences of gaslighting. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that involves casting doubt and blame onto another person and making another person distrust their reality. In short, it makes a person doubt themself, disconnect from their internal needs, and distrust their own self. Learn more about gaslighting here.
Gaslighting throughout childhood can look like sharing a story or an emotional experience with a parent/caregiver and being
Told “that didn’t happen” or “you are making that up” or “you couldn’t possibly feel that”
Ignored until you act in a way that complies with what a parent wants or expects
Blamed or having blame shifted onto you because what you shared made a parent/caregiver uncomfortable
Answered with a confusing or dishonest response and being expected to accept dishonesty as reality
Threatened until you comply with a parent/caregiver’s reality
Disregarded and disbelieved when expressing your needs, values, thoughts, and emotions
Gaslighting Occurs at the Systemic and Community Level, Too
This especially impacts BIPOC and immigrant communities navigating systems of oppression that refuse to acknowledge historical and present-day impacts of racism, colonialism, ethnic violence, ableism, poverty, patriarchy, etc. Gaslighting, at minimum, can be heard in comments such as, “I am not racist” or “I didn’t mean it that way, or “I don’t see color” or “it was just a joke!” But gaslighting is also seen in the lack of acknowledgement of harm done to BIPOC and immigrant communities and the idea that ignoring the harm or pretending it isn’t there simply means the issue does not exist. This systemic gaslighting compounds the experiences of internalized doubt and distrust.
What Does Gaslighting have to do with Imposter Syndrome?
As we are growing and developing, we learn to relate to the people and environments around us. When our most important relationships and the communities we need are modeling, “you cannot trust your own reality and, if you try to trust your own reality instead of the one we put onto you, we will reject you,” that is often the path we choose. Young kids need their most important relationships, and abandoning the self in order to receive care and support will always be most important. It’s survival. But eventually, abandoning your self and your own sense of trust can have major consequences.
Yes, Imposter Syndrome can be a Trauma Response.
Simply put? Yes, imposter syndrome is a trauma response. When you are repeatedly told to disrespect and disregard your own needs and signals, you have a hard time recognizing what feels trustworthy, genuine, and safe. If you grew up with a parent or caregiver who utilized gaslighting, made you feel like you were walking on eggshells, who could explode at any moment, who kept you emotionally on edge all the time, imposter syndrome would have developed. As a trauma response, it is there to let you know when you are taking up too much space, just like it would have during childhood.
What is the Connection Between Imposter Syndrome and Childhood Trauma?
Our experiences in childhood teach us a lot about how we learn to relate to other people, but also to ourselves. Growing up with a caregiver who makes you doubt and question yourself prepares you for that experience over and over again because this is what you learn to expect in relationships and other interactions. So, chances are that when you enter adulthood, those same experiences keep showing up.
When someone compliments you, you notice your whole body want to reject and doubt it. When you become important and valued at work, you feel afraid, nervous, and wonder when the other shoe is going to drop.
This isn’t “meaningless” anxiety. It’s actually rooted in a young, wounded part of your past. Because you grew up having to placate, please, and calm down a caregiver and a system that has actively disregarded you, your whole being is responding in the only way it knows how: warning you. It’s warning you that if you take on this accomplishment, if you succeed, there could be danger ahead.
But hey, that does not have to be true anymore. You can actually teach your body to navigate these moments differently.
How Do You Overcome Imposter Syndrome?
Yes, imposter syndrome is absolutely something you can heal from and overcome. When imposter syndrome is connected to early childhood trauma experiences, healing does not involve quick, overnight fixes. There are, however, steps you can take to support yourself in healing from imposter syndrome.
Calming Imposter Syndrome is an Act of Building Self-Trust
Because imposter syndrome is rooted in doubt and distrust, overcoming imposter syndrome is an active practice of re-building connection and trust in yourself.
How do you build self-trust to overcome imposter syndrome?
Notice when you are doubting and distrusting yourself and your perception: Making these observations will help you notice what about your interactions, environments, etc increase the intensity of your doubt and distrust.
Practice acknowledging your reality: Consistently practice noticing and naming basic facts about yourself and your environment. This helps to reinforce to you and your body that you trust and understand that what you perceive comes without doubt.
Practice internalizing your adaptability and accomplishments: Every day practice writing or stating to yourself 3 things that you tried, had to figure out with some help, and/or accomplished. This messaging offers you encouragement and helps you internalize that not everything is done perfectly.
Give yourself compliments: You may find this uncomfortable at first, which is completely normal. Giving yourself compliments supports the understanding that you are worthy, boosts your self-esteem, and helps you understand that your worth is coming from you—that you are not a fraud.
Give yourself grace: Acknowledge the shame and critical internal voice that pops up for you. The more you ignore it, the bigger it will get. Acknowledging it and allowing yourself time to heal, gives you permission to lean into everything else on your list.
Engage in therapy: Starting therapy for imposter syndrome allows you to repair the wounding and trauma responses that have occurred in relationship from your past. Therapy can also support you in understanding how imposter syndrome is impacting you now and learn new tools for healing and growth.
Start Imposter Syndrome Therapy at Nurturing Willow Psychotherapy
Alice Zic, MPH, LCSW | Trauma Therapist & Owner of Nurturing Willow Psychotherapy, LLC
Click the button below to schedule your free 15-minute consultation phone call
Complete the pre-consult form
Consult with Alice Zic, Trauma & Imposter Syndrome Therapist
Begin your journey toward healing
Online Imposter Syndrome Therapist in Colchester, CT
Looking for an imposter syndrome therapist who offers online therapy in Connecticut? My virtual practice is located in Colchester, CT and I offer online therapy in Connecticut, throughout Connecticut. All you need is your device and a private space—it’s simple! Learn more about online therapy in Connecticut and get started below:
Begin Online Therapy for Imposter Syndrome in Falls Church, VA
You want to overcome imposter syndrome, but you have no idea where to begin. Start working with an imposter syndrome therapist online in Virginia. I am a licensed therapist in Virginia and I offer online therapy in Virginia. Learn more about online therapy in Virginia and get started in imposter syndrome therapy below:
About Alice Zic, MPH, LCSW, Trauma Therapist & Owner of Nurturing Willow Psychotherapy, LLC
Alice Zic is a licensed clinical social worker in Connecticut and Virginia. She specializes in parentification trauma therapy and childhood trauma therapy for adult children of immigrants, mother wounded women, and adult children of emotionally immature parents. She also specializes in teen therapy for anxiety for teenagers struggling with perfectionism, anxiety, and people-pleasing. As a trauma therapist, she utilizes an Internal Family Systems (IFS) approach and sees clients for online therapy (telehealth) only. You can learn more about Alice here and book a consult call to start online therapy sessions with Alice here.