How to Ask for Help if You Had to Figure it Out on Your Own
Growing up fast means you’re self-reliant. But it also makes it hard to be vulnerable.
You grew up fast. Maybe you had to figure things out because if you brought up your feelings, your needs, asked for help, you were shamed, told you were “too much.” That felt lonely. Over time, that gave you the strength of independence. You love that part of you, but you also notice it can make you guarded, hesitant to reach out for support. At the same time, you are so caring. You desperately want to let others in, but you are not sure how. How do you learn to be vulnerable and to ask for the help you want and need?
Notice what happens to you when asking for help.
Do you…get defensive? Anticipate criticism? Shut down? How did those responses serve you when you were younger, but not serve you anymore? Did they protect you at a young age, but are they actively preventing you from not seeking and obtaining help now? Write down some recent attempts you made to seek help from others and reflect on what you notice. What patterns do you observe?
Remind yourself of where and when you are when asking for help.
These reminders serve to ground you in the present. Before asking for help, take a deep breath and ask, “how old am I? Where am I? What do I need now?”
Notice your responses. Remind yourself: You are no longer a little kid who has to go it alone. You are now an adult who has power and is entitled to ask for help and express what you need.
Practice in the mirror before you ask another person for help.
Practice is progress. Practice saying the words, “hey I am really confused about X. Can you explain it to me more?” or “I have some more questions about this. Can you help me understand?”
Practicing in the mirror may help you observe that…asking for help isn’t so scary after all, and you are 100% allowed to do it! As you practice, pay attention to how you ask for help. Can you practice the phrases above and express them in a way that feels clear and confident to you? Notice how quickly or evenly you speak these phrases, how your body feels as you are asking. Are you able to project your voice, state your needs in a way that feels safe to you? Notice when and how you get to that point.
Ask for help as you need it, when you need it.
After all that practice in the mirror, get ready to put that practice into action. When you observe a moment arise when you need help, express that this is what you need. You may feel lost or confused, and stating this emotion is the first step in asking for help. Then you can move onto saying the words: I need help. You’ve got it!
Take a deep breath after and take in the change.
Sometimes, going from not expressing our needs to expressing our needs can feel scary and stressful. It can feel supportive to pause, ground our bodies, and move around after moments like this to really re-connect to ourselves. As this becomes a new pattern in your life, take it in. You are internalizing new capability and confidence. You no longer have to stay stuck in minimizing your feelings, wants, and needs. What does that feel like for you?
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Therapy for Those Who Grew up Too Fast
I am passionate about working with adults with trauma histories who grew up fast, who were parentified, and anxious teens who experience the pressure to hold in their emotions so they protect everyone else. At the core, there is a shared experience of making sure everyone else is okay but you…your needs? They get lost. Does it feel like it’s time to take the healing space you deserve, to give yourself the permission to let that guard down and learn how to be vulnerable again? Learn more below and reach out today to get started in therapy!
Online Therapy in Connecticut for Adults with Past Trauma & Anxious Teens
Why endure the long drive and traffic when you can access therapy from the ease, safety, and comfort of your home? My virtual practice is located in Colchester, Connecticut and I offer online therapy throughout Connecticut to adults with past trauma and anxious, “old soul” teens struggling with low self-esteem. Learn more about getting started in online therapy in Connecticut below:
Online Therapy in Virginia for Adults with Past Trauma & Anxious, “Old Soul” Teens
Virginia is fast-paced, high stress enough. Why add the logistics of getting to another appointment when you can easily access online therapy from the safety and comfort of your home? I offer online therapy throughout Virginia for adults with past trauma, who feel “too much” and “not good enough” and perfectionistic, “old soul” teens struggling with anxiety and low self-esteem. Learn more about getting started in online therapy in Virginia below:
